Tom Brady has nothing on my tribe when it comes to deflate-gate. After Freeka’s Funny Farm experienced its own deflate-gate, I know first hand. I was the interrogator, and lemme tell ya, my interrogatees were way slicker than any four time Super Bowl champ.
It all started last winter when I got the Pips an amazing Stacy Westfall purple pony ball with a durable, protective cover, designed to give many months and even years of entertainment. Elizabeth and I were brimming with excitement when we introduced the ball to the Pips. We taught them the rules of soccer and had a few pick-up games and it was great fun and a good way to warm up in the winter.
The Pips were fiercely competitive……Pockets liked to chomp and run the ball…
…she had some weird defensive moves……and she let us know when it was a bad call……and played dead when she didn’t get her way…Poor Grayson couldn’t take all the drama.
(weren’t they just the cutiest patooties at seven months old?)
I think we made it through one month before deflate-gate occurred. Ironically, it was right around Super Bowl. My Linguini-dog looked awfully guilty. But so did a Pip or two. Or was it Gypsy? I interrogated everybody who had been in contact with the purple ball, but of course they all denied any wrongdoing. Very coincidentally and shortly after, they all destroyed their smart phones. I was never able to get a confession or any hard proof.
“Oh My Gwad,” said Pockets … “Wadawegondoo?” She was not the main suspect and I felt her pain…missing that purple ball and all. We tried a few patching techniques but nothing held. The purple ball was folded up and lowered in rank on the ‘to doo’ list, as Pockets calls it.
Then one day Mama E showed up with a new gray ball! I had my doubts it would last through one game. But like Elizabeth said, “So what if it pops, it was cheap! We’ll get another.” And another and another? Could we get prettier colors? Boy, I’m starting to sound like Pockets. There would be no interrogating if this one deflated. It would be death from natural and purposeful causes.
We introduced the new ball and set the rules. Each face-plant counted as one point. Simple as that. No goal lines. No yard lines. Just face-plants. Elizabeth and I would ref the game, and document it for the benefit of modern equine science. I just made that up….but I like the idea.
Off we go….
Grayson immediately gave the ball some test chomps…Pockets was cautious, but wondered what ‘gray’ smelled like… As Mama E documented…who’s that in the distance? Recluse Man mowing around the pond? For heavens sake…somebody’s gotta do it!“Follow me,” said Elizabeth….”Let the game begin!”“Harumph,” said Pockets … (have you ever heard a ponkey say ‘harumph?’…. it’s quite funny)Grayson wanted to encourage his beloved ponkey, but teased her instead…using that gwadawful ‘half-ass’ name…just knowing it would put her nickers in a knot… Mama E reviewed the rules… When Pockets deferred, it became Team Grayson’s ball… He didn’t waste anytime! NICE MOVES GRAYSON! What the heck is the ponkey looking at???Who cares? Look at that Pelé move!!! IS HE GONNA SCORE????YES!!!!!!!!! IT’S A FACE-PLANT!!!!!!TEAM GRAYSON 1…TEAM POCKETS 0!!! OK! You can stop rolling on the ball now!DO NOT POP IT …YOU SHOWOFF!!!!It’s Team Pockets ball now…Woot Woot! GO POCKETS!say waaaaah?FOUL!!!! NO BACK-KICKING!!!HAY!!!! GIT BACK HERE!!!Team Pockets was out of control, running madly around the playing field…Is Recluse Man still mowing??? Poor dude.Pockets finally settled down, then sulked in the weed patch…It was time for an intervention…. Elizabeth thinks she’s gained back some respect…Yeah right… run to mommy…you wonkey ponkey…Back to the game…Grayson makes it clear…this is his ball……and again, wastes no time…..and it’s another FACE-PLANT FOR GRAYSON!!!…he is slow to recover…or is he eating grass?..or maybe he wanted to show Team Pockets how to do it!!!TEAM GRAYSON 2…TEAM POCKETS 0!Grayson runs a victory lap…grass still in his mouth!LET’S GO AGAIN!!!
Notice the competition… far left…showing utter contempt for the gray ball…WHOA!!! SWEET MOVES!!!WHAT’S THIS??? ANOTHER FACE-PLANT!!!!
TEAM GRAYSON 3 … TEAM POCKETS 0
(ok…you can stop eating now)
Pockets goes over to congratulate her opponent…(thanks Eliz for the greeeaaaat photo)Suddenly Gypsy decides to put a spark in her little ponkey…(another good one by Elizabeth!)Up and down the field they go…that is, Grayson and Gypsy…Pockets decided to stay downfield…It was becoming quite clear…Pockets did not like the gray ball…no wonder…her color is PURPLE!I can hear her now …”I WAAAAAAH MY PUURRRPLE BALL!!!”Even Mama E couldn’t get her to play…Meanwhile…Grayson was having a gray BALL!!!! He was balling with joy!!!…for the whole world to see! (dang…if I have to look at RM mowing one more time!)AND WHAT’S THIS???? FACE-PLANT #4!!!TEAM GRAYSON 4 … TEAM POCKETS 0
The bell rings and it’s the….
END OF THE GAME!