I have a thing for big, fat, weird tomatoes…the kind you can only find at a good farmers’ market. They jump out at me, calling my name….”freeeeeekaaaaaa…take me home with youuuuuu…shooooooot meeee…eeeat meeee….paleeeeeeezzzzzzzze.”
Sometimes they’re just so ugly…I mean really, really ugly…I gotta save ’em. Sometimes they’re just so gigundus-humungous…I know if I don’t take ’em home, I won’t believe myself the next day. Other times, they’re just so kinky, I am beside myself. Anatomical protrusions…like…tomato weenies…bellybuttons…nipples…butts and such…right there for the squeezing. Do other people blush at farmers’ markets? Are you out there?
Back in my own farmers’ market vendor days, my friends were famous for giving me porno maters. They’d track me down and be so proud to gift me with their kinky ole mater. Of course I never let them go to waste. Unh Unh. Whether I photographed them or not, they ended up under the knife. That’s right Lorena Bobbitt…move over.
Today’s PHOTO OF THE DAY is not kinky. (How did I get on that anyway?) It is simply the biggest, most voluptuous and curvaceous, yellow tomato I’ve ever seen…giving herself a hug. I found her last Saturday at the market and brought her home gently, in two hands. I set her on a bed of fresh garden basil, and gave her a marigold to hug. Then I made her portrait. In my humble opinion, she was one of the most well-rounded, happiest maters I’ve ever met….
Here’s what she looked like alone in a hug……but I gave her lots to hug…She was a tomato to remember for all time, from top to bottom……start to finish…WhataMater…Should you be wondering about her weight…she was a solid two-pounder. I also met the winner of ‘the biggest tomato’ contest…check him out at 2.965 pounds… I told his owner to stuff him. Tomatoes wearing boxer gloves scare me.