Summer has returned and so have I.
Yes Please…bring it on!
Summer has returned and so have I.
Yes Please…bring it on!
I can’t help myself. A flashy holiday rolls around and I feel this need to dress up my farm tribe and make photographs. How silly is that?
(rhetorical question…don’t bother asking the animals)
I have to wonder…in my middle-aged life…am I just now getting in touch with the inner childhood I missed out on growing up as a tomboy climbing trees…when I could have been outfitting Barbie dolls?
(no regrets…and again…don’t ask the animals)
I learned recently, there was a scientific study that determined dogs have no self-awareness with regard to how they look. I could have spared the expense of that study and offered the same conclusions (from all my farm animals), backed up by Freeka’s Funny Farm research and documentation. Lily with spaghetti drools all over her snout, the pigster with a little poo stuck to his tail, Gypsy with more brown mud on her body than natural white, Pockets with a sticky molasses nose…and they each be like…
WHY YOU LAUGHING AT ME?
I FEEL GOOD!”
(sung to James Brown tune)
However…when it comes to Christmas holiday photography, those same critters may just exhibit a little more self awareness. They’ve made it through Valentine’s Day, St Patty’s Day, Fourth of July, and Halloween, but the year is not quite complete without a few Christmas costumes and a little craziness.
I apologize to all the critters I have humiliated. Just know, in my eye you are all so fun, and yes, silly. So…what’s wrong with that? I promise never to turn y’all into Barbies.
This year I had the pleasure of humiliating someone else’s farm animals. “Whew!”… said the tribe. Took the pressure off the gang here. But as you will see, my gang did not go completely…undressed…shall I say?
Here are some favorites from here and beyond at Tucker Farm.
I’ll start with Toots and the decorating of the tree. Toots did not want to budge from the new dog bed that was taking up so much room right where I was trying to decorate our little Christmas tree. So what’s a girl to do? Yes! Decorate the dog. Well c’mon…I had to stretch out those new Christmas lights somewhere!
Toots…hoping she wouldn’t be gift-wrapped next…
I know how much Elizabeth loves having photos made with her Pips, especially to share with her family and fans at Christmas time. The Pips are such troopers as photo models, all I have to do is say…SMILE! …and look what I get…
…SMILES all around!
Never mind that Pockets was wearing a doggie outfit…that ponkey loves to dress up!
Even Grayson didn’t seem to mind the ‘faux mistletoe’…any reason to nibble…lick…kiss…
Nobody looks terribly humiliated here…right Elizabeth? (better pass out some treats real fast)
On we go to Tucker Farm. My favorite home away from home. The lady of the farm, my great friend Karen, has a good-sized tribe of rescued donkeys and goats at her barn and each year she’ll do a little Christmas slide show with her gang. I couldn’t wait to get involved. Three of my favorite horse pals live there as well, and almost living there, is another simpatico, ‘favorite-home-away-from-home’ girlfriend, Janice, who owns two of the horses.
My goat-to girlfriends…Karen on left, Janice on right…butt-heads in front…
None of the Tucker Farm critters are newbies at photo shoots. As soon as the costume container came out in the horse pasture, Dart was all into everything…
…hmmm…maybe red is really my color?
“Hey Dart…when you stick your nose in the goodies box…well who nose what will happen next…eh? Ha Ha Ha!”
(is this horse lacking a sense of humor?)
Here’s Dart’s stable mate, Louie. The twin brother of the same mother of costumes…Might have a case of stink eye going on here..
Asante…the only mare on the farm…ready to dance… …and prance……and maybe a little french kiss? (such a huzzy!)
On to the donkeys and goats. It was such a highly organized Christmas shoot with a bunch of curious models just waiting their turn.
Like a Victoria’s Secret Christmas runway show, we told them.
Yup…you believe that?
It was more like…
(goats and donkeys)…”HAY…WHAT’S to EAT in that BOX?”
(girls)…”HEY! GIT OUTTA THERE YOU RASCALS!”
That…’You’ve Goat to be Kidding’ look….
Can’t wait to unwrap my presents!
Truly…Star Struck…What Ernie was really thinking…
“Star Struck…my butt! I just wanna know if that thing on my head is…EDIBLE?”
Check out my favorite goat, Ethel. Too bad she got stuck with my middle name.
I think because of that, (ruthless teasing…you gotta understand!), she likes the idea of having grown a set of balls……now what to do with those balls???
Stormy said…”After this? I am sooo breaking into the feed room. First chance I get.”
Thanks girls…I was seeing so much red and green…I didn’t know whether to stop…or go……or just grow a mustache…
Meanwhile…back at the Funny Farm…things were getting out of control.
D.O.G. had busted into his stocking and lookee what he found!!!
DANG!…D.O.G….gimme back my Recluse Man!!!!
The Pips had found the calendar that will surely make them overnight Hollywood sensations…
My New Year’s date turned out to be a real pig…Toots spoke her first and final words of the year……and then passed out from overexertion…I caught D.O.G. ransacking the Christmas goody bags…
…then squatting on my homemade holiday cards…and is that the sports section of the paper where I circled all my winning bets??? …I will forgive that pigster…if the rest of all those wonderful creatures will forgive me…
HERE’S TO A STYLISH NEW YEAR!!!
In my ‘what the heck…better late than never‘ approach to life, I decided to do a 2017 calendar. This decision came out of the blue and was inspired by a total stranger…not so long ago. I can count the days ago. OK…maybe weeks ago. Where does the time a…go?
This is the eighth calendar in my photo career. For my last calendar in 2014, I used 86 photos and such complex layouts, I nearly strangled myself with baling twine. Or was it hari-kari with a pitchfork? When it was all over and done with, after the calendars arrived and I ripped into the box from the printer…I was proud. It was the most unique calendar of mine…ever. It was funny. It was charming. I got great feedback. I was so proud and exhausted by it, I told myself I would never do another.
Yet here I am. Again.
Without further ado, let me introduce the pages of calendar-2017…The Pips.
It started off all over the map. Initially I pulled 60+ photos as prospects. It was going to be a farm calendar…then a Pips calendar…but mostly in the end… it is a Pockets calendar.
With over 240 photos in the working folder, 67 made the cut. That little ponkey rules! It’s no wonder. She is incredibly photogenic and the most willing model around. And she loves wearing hats and beads. My kinda girl.
Here’s a little synopsis of the calendar, month by month, starting with the cover….
It was Mardi Gras season and Elizabeth, (Pips owner and #1 mama), was in her hometown of New Orleans. I was jealous. It was soooo cold on the farm. No better way to warm up than have a silly shoot with The Pips and celebrate Mardi Gras right here.
The Pips were all over-and-into the costume and bead bags. Grayson was fascinated by his ponkey-girl’s accoutrements. Pockets did not want to give up her orange shades and in fact did some laps around the pasture wearing them. Let’s have a parade! Krewe of Pips. That ponkey. That pony. We had a blast. Way better than being in the French Quarter for Mardi Gras. Well almost.
This is one of my all-time favorite photographs…
When we really get a good snow it’s a hoot to watch Pockets try to keep up with all the ‘biggers’. Those short little legs of hers! Sometimes the snow is up to her belly.
Romance abounds on the funny farm. OH MY GWAD!
What an in-between month. I had a hard time choosing the right photos. Is it still winter? Or is it spring? Can I be Irish for a day? Let’s talk. Pockets always wants to talk. And I always like to listen in. Whether it’s with Mama G or whoever else she’s yakking up. No matter how silly.
That ponkey has important things to say!
Daffodils are sprouting. Tulips too. But who cares if you are a ponkey? So long as the grass starts growing again. Then…just like the rest of us…Spring Fever sets in.
It’s time to frolic!
Back in the 90’s, I photographed the Kentucky Derby three years in a row, right down on the track on the home stretch. Although I have mixed feelings about horse racing in general, it was an incredibly exciting photography experience that had just as much to do with the hats and the crowds, as it did the horses. Every year on the first Saturday in May, you will find me watching the Kentucky Derby on TV. Then, this year (2016), it dawned on me. Why not have our own little derby? Pockets was thrilled. Any reason to dress up and wear a big, pink, floppy hat is fine by her.
But the socks? They didn’t last long.
Both Grayson and Pockets were born in June 2014, at Grayson Highlands State Park in Virginia. Great reason to party down! What a big-sticky-fun-molasses-and-carrots-mess. The Pips would love having a birthday every month of the year.
Bring on the balloons!
Who would have thunk? A rainbow-loving ponkey!!!
Just about every time Elizabeth comes out to visit The Pips, there’s a walk involved. It’s so pretty around here, with the New River nearby and a nice big meadow for grazing. Heck yeah!
Let’s go for a walk!
Can you tell we are Panthers fans around here? Well at least when they’re having a good year…we are. Even though Pockets dreams of being a quarterback, I think she makes a better punter. A backasswards punter.
Budweiser Horses…move over! Bring on The Pips!
So much for the Great Pumpkin. Right Pockets? I don’t think she’s a believer. Otherwise, she would not be chomping Great Pumpkin offspring. Agreed?
All she wanted was to be a unicorn.
Aside from Thanksgiving, I’ve never been a big fan of November. The leaves have fallen, the days are shorter, and winter teases. Thank you Pockets, for sharing your good attitudes and bringing joy to November. Grayson too…you funny shag carpet…you.
Enjoying November Pips-style…yes!
It’s seldom The Pips are naughty, and if they are, it’s usually my fault for leaving a gate unlatched somewhere. Mostly nice they are, and certainly full of spice. Just ask Santa. He’s stuffing their stockings with horse cookies and treats…
…and don’t forget the carrots-dunked-in-molasses…paleeze!
We have done a small run of calendars with only ‘backyard’ promotions. Heck we don’t even have an e-commerce site up. It’s a project for a few friends and fans to enjoy. If you’re interested, leave me a comment or shoot me an email (firstname.lastname@example.org) and I’ll see if I can reserve a calendar for you. They are $15, plus $5 shipping in the US.
Happy Holidays from the tribe at Freeka’s Funny Farm!
Several days before I left for my bum-thumb-fated trip to Pennsylvania, we celebrated the Pip’s second birthday. It was sooo much fun! We invited some neighborhood friends, and kids, and parents, and a very special grandma, to join us for the festivities.
I had every intention of posting some great photos when I returned from my Fourth of July trip. It’s just that my dumb-broken-thumb got in the way. But now? I see it as a way to relive a magical afternoon. Every time I think of that afternoon, it makes me smile.
There were so many delightful photos, I had a hard time choosing. What follows, reminds me of a family album. I gotta admit…I’ve gone dizzy looking at some family albums. To the point of asking where the bathroom is…then asking for a glass of water…then…”Oops…I’m out of time…gotta run.”
I can’t help but think this family album…our Freeka’s Funny Farm family album…ROCKS! After all, it’s only once in a lifetime our beloved Pips…Grayson and Pockets…turn two!
Elizabeth and I wanted to have fun. BIG FUN. BIG KIDS KINDA FUN.
I figured we needed entertainment. Somewhere out on one of my hiking trails…it hit me. (I love how my brain works on hiking trails.)
YES! We must do…Pin-the-Tail-on-the-PONKEY!
First I sought Recluse Michel-MAN-gelo’s talent. Yup. Got him outta bed early that day…
…took him down to the barn and gave him some chalk and introduced him to his model…
His creative juices started flowing…
Pockets loved her modeling job…
…and that Recluse Michel-MAN-gelo…such talent!
Of course…there is no tail. Just you wait.
Let the party begin!!
That’s Toots greeting Jessica on the left, Nate, and mama Suzy…and a huge bag of carrots!
Dakota and Sabrina!Hittin’ up the treasure chest…Dakota and granny Allie… she’s my riding partner from down the road…she’s sixty-nine and kicks my butt on the trails with her little Paso Fino! Allie grew up with her Chincoteague pony who lived to be thirty five!I had a gut feeling the bunny ears wouldn’t last long on Pockets……whad I tell ya…
The pink and purple girls…Suzanne and Pockets…I encouraged the kids to draw on the barn before we started Pin-the-Tail-on-the-Ponkey.
I’m not sure what kind of creature that is below. Yo…Sabrina!
I used to see monsters like that, hiding under my bed at night…Dakota in dreads…with the sun shining over her head…Let’s play Pin-the-Tail-on-the-Ponkey!!!
I braided ten tails from baling twine so peeps could keep their tails. This was not a big hit. I found tails everywhere after the party. Sigh. Pioneer Woman…I am not.
As everyone took turns, they were spun around once wearing a blindfold, then directed toward the barn door. Slap that tail on, remove the blindfold, have a good laugh (for me especially…and apparently Dakota), then initial with chalk.
Dakota went first…now that’s funny!
Next up…Jessica…Check her out! I love her Lost Unicorn shirt…
Sabrina……you rock that tail girl!
Nate…he’s a stellar football player with a soft spot for the Pips…Hmmm…that’s a tailback position!
And then it was my turn…I asked Jessica to turn me once……I was lucky to find the barn door!You might say…I don’t know my ass from a barn door…
Then along comes smarty-pants Suzanne……who could barely find the barn……but was smart enough to locate the other tails…
We took down the tails.
Nice try Mama E…are you pinning the tail on the patella?
Some of the adults were too grown-up to bother…in other words…they were drinking beer in the shade…Did I say…Grown-Up?We did get Allie…Tim..…and Suzy to pin that tail!
After the game, prizes were given to the kids. They were really special gifts Elizabeth had chosen from her horse collection…winner got first pick.
Sabrina and her mini-horse!There were books and cards and fun horsey things…including Elizabeth’s booklet about the Grayson Highlands ponies…See Elizabeth smiling her best ‘pony-girl’ grin…Meanwhile…the artistry continued. I was blown away by how cool the barn was looking!
Pockets inspected. “OH MY GWAD…MY BUTT IS A MESS!”
Now THAT is a HAPPY barn door…The party was rockin’……as the best carrot cake ever was served…But what about the horsies?I filled a trough with hay and had the troops sprinkle carrots on top…Suddenly there was an audience…Gypsy and Star!
They were most attentive…especially when the molasses appeared…That Star has a looong neck…I mean really loooong…We chased the barn gang out to the pasture and shut the gate. It was time for our great leaders to march in the birthday buffet!Next came Pockets and Grayson…with Grayson charming the girls as always…What a FEAST! (see the Elders patiently waiting in the pasture)Elizabeth and I took turns making birthday photos…while Grayson and Pockets munched down with total birthday abandon!…then finally the Elders were invited in…Here you see a bit of horse-heaven on earth…Did I mention it was hot? So very hot in the mountains?It sure did seem like that fan followed Dave wherever he went……I know you are wondering if Recluse Man ever got that beer open…Well…he did…After our guests left…I couldn’t find Elizabeth…But Grayson found the beer…
It was a birthday party we will always remember…even the two-year-olds. Right Grayson?OH MY GWAD. Such a poser that Pockets!And that my friends…is the end of this chapter from our family album.How I love a good Tale of Tails!
I have had many nicknames during my lifetime. Freddie, of course, is my everyday nickname. Freeka, my blog name. My mom used to call me Reeculous Ticklehoufer. I liked that name. Mainly because it came from my mom and it was just…ridiculous.
Perhaps the silliest nickname I ever acquired was, ‘Fred the Bed.’ That came from my best girlfriends at summer horse camp. I don’t think there was any relevance, or event, or behavior behind it. Just that it rhymed. These grown women still call me that. Good thing they don’t live nearby.
I share this as a preface to another dumb poem I wrote. It’s part Dr Suess and part explanation as to where the heck I’ve been all summer.
While most people kick off their summer around the Fourth of July, my happy season…my joy…my summer giddiness, came to an abrupt end that memorable weekend.
Hark ye revelers…for the story of my bum thumb…
Yup..I broke my thumb falling off an ATV in Pennsylvania, going zero miles an hour. My right thumb no less. My favorite, most cherished thumb. The one that makes me a right-handed human being.
I was riding tandem, looking for photo opps, when my nephew’s girlfriend tried to turn the ATV around going up a steep embankment. As it started to roll, I elbowed my camera bag over my left shoulder and took the downhill fall with all my weight on my right hand.
CRUNCH went my thumb….followed by LOUD, NAUGHTY words that frightened the wildlife. (animal wildlife…well ok, maybe Katie too)
Here is my chauffeur, Katie, having a blast without a passenger. Behind her is the seat I fell from. Lemme tell ya…riding tandem stinks! Said Fred the Bed
Why is my thumb so Red?
Could it be Broke?
Am I Awoke?Said the Thumb
You are so Dumb!
I am about to Croak
And you just Spoke?
X-rays in Pennsylvania revealed a broken Bennett bone. That’s the bone that hinges the thumb to the rest of the hand. The bone that allows twisting, pinching, squeezing…as in the ability to brush my teeth, use a pitchfork, or wipe my butt right-handed.
Uh boy. It’s gonna be a long summer.
Said Fred the Bed
You are messing with my Head
It’s the Fourth of July
Please don’t lie.
The Yankee doctor fixed me up with a splint so I could drive the ten hours back home to my favorite Southern bone doctors. Because of the holiday weekend, and more X-rays with the Boone Ortho doctors, I didn’t have surgery until a week later.
I had the best nurse. She told me to remove my earrings and watch and any loose teeth. Then she asked a series of questions, including the standard. On a scale of 1-10…what is your pain level? On a scale of 1-10…I think they asked me at least eleven times in four hours.
Finally, she asked if I was comfortable and apologized for the long delay. Then another nurse asked another round of questions starting with the famous 1-10 pain scale opener. She concluded by asking me if I felt like hurting anyone, including myself. Whaaaa?
Now why would she ask that?Moments later…they took away my cell phone…then my thumb.Next thing I knew…there was Recluse Man in a fuzzy-wuzzy world…Said the Thumb
Play your own Drum
But wear this stiff Splint
Like a message in Cement
Oh to hell with my thumb. My hand was very swollen, my fingers were black and blue, and I had a deep wound on my outer pinky from the first splint pinching so hard.
(Outer pinky. I like that. “Hey there…wanna see my outer pinky?”…or… “OK to bring my outer pinky along?”…or…”Wow…my outer pinky is shedding!”)
Yeah…to hell with my thumb…I was feeling no pain with those big, white pills they gave me.
I decorated my splint…
…and hung out with the tribe…
It felt so goofy-good to be home post-surgery. Did I mention those white pills?
One day Recluse Man was painting the barn…
…when Pockets and I decided to get in on the fun…
That wonkey ponkey!!
Dang…she figured out the self-timer?
We had a blast!
…just ask Star…
Red roller, red roller…send Lily back over…
Then one day the white pills ran out and reality set in.
May I mention the frustration from trying to use a mouse left-handed with a big-fat-right-bum thumb on the keyboard. Or getting a lefty fork all neat inside my mouth without stabbing or slobbering. Or brushing my teeth…or…tying shoelaces…buttoning… unscrewing… doorhandles… knives…cast iron pans…and OMG…showering with a plastic grocery bag up to my elbow, trying to squirt out shampoo and lather one-handed.
Maybe the worst part was how much it hurt to hold my Nikons for long. Like more than three frames.
I have even greater respect now, for all those who have found ways to overcome limb and appendage disabilities. Humans and animals alike.
Said Fred the Bed
To the Thumb she thought Dead
I will Succumb
Just please..once again be my Thumb.
You are the sum of my Yum
My very right Thumb
The strum of my Hum
The opposite of Glum!
One week after surgery, I found myself back at the doc’s office. The nurse removed the splint to reveal the two pins in my hand…I think she left the gauze for effect. I just want you to know I had the following photos full size, until Recluse Man walked by and gagged.
You can thank him for the thumbnail size. It even sounds appropriate…
YIKES! New splint Paleeze!!! My hand was still very swollen and weak…
Three weeks after surgery I went in again for X-rays and a third splint. I shed a handful of skin as I scratched and waited and ignored the ‘no cell phone usage, no photos please’ sign.Meanwhile Recluse Man had to cover me on farm chores. Secretly I was smirking. I don’t think he realized what goes into making the zoo and the farm happy everyday. Poor guy.
We got a lot of rain and the grass grew mightily.I rounded up my own lawnmowers and pitched in…Many days and nights passed…
Then finally six weeks after surgery, the pins came out! It was a little creepy..the thought of actually pulling the pins out. But it was painless and the best part…I was sent home with a removable splint.
The longest pin was 2.5″…dang. I painted my nails in celebration. After all…I was a left-handed pro by then.
I quickly switched to a thumb brace so I could finally use the mouse right-handed…
But something wasn’t right. My thumb was stiff as a clothespin and I thought it might never heal properly. Since childhood I have had a funky, right thumb. It tends to stick or pop at the knuckle. After all those weeks in a splint, it took days of massaging before I got my thumb to pop back into action.
That first pop was a thrilling moment…
Said Fred the Bed
To her comely Thumb
You are not dead but Instead
What a beauty you’ve Become
My long lost Chum!
As a footnote, (great pun…just wait), check out some photos from this Labor Day morning when our farrier worked on the barn gang. Gypsy got two front shoes, one with a pad for some sole-ful healing on her left foot.
As you can see my thumb is working just fine…
Then…whoa boy! Star had his very first shoeing experience. Another sole-ful foot healing, and as long as he was twitched (most humanely), he was the perfect client.
Right Star? Said Fred the Bed…from my thumb…to your thumb…♥♥
Ahhhh…Memorial Day Weekend…such a great American holiday.
Traditionally, there are family visits to cemeteries, mourning mixed with sweet memories, flag raisings, potluck dinners, neighborly get-togethers, BBQs, watermelon, lawn mowing, gardening, hiking, biking, fishing, sunbathing, the Indy 500, horseback riding (had to put that in there…right Gypsy?!), and all the good and the sad that go into this holiday. It’s a contradiction of sorts. A painful, joyful holiday. While some hurt over the loss of loved ones who died for our country in military service, others kick off the arrival of a brand new summer.
I wanted to learn more on the history on Memorial Day.
I discovered Memorial Day began after the Civil War but back then it was called Decoration Day. It was declared a holiday to honor deceased veterans by decorating their graves with flags and flowers. But whoa…the Confederates refused to celebrate on the same day those damn Yankees did, and in fact had many different days to honor their dead across the southern states.
It wasn’t until after WWI that tensions eased and a one-for-all Memorial Day was established for all American soldiers who died in any and all of our wars.
I do not have a grave to decorate, but in keeping with a new Freeka’s Funny Farm tradition…I have a live pig to decorate. Indeed, D.O.G. is booked for a deluxe spa and accoutrement session later today…on Decoration Day 2016.
On the funny farm, we lean toward the hedonistic side of this holiday, and celebrate summer with our best bohemian enthusiasm. Please allow me to share this memorable tradition, as created one year ago.
START YOUR HOSES!
IT’S TIME TO CHILL!! (gritting teeth…thinking…um…heavy camera for a selfie…just take the dang photo…will I??? …and where is the pig?)
Why there he is…hot diggity D.O.G.!!
Let’s call this the pre-soak. It serves to remove any loose dirt or goobery thingys…
What a chill way to start the festivities…right D.O.G.?I made preparations for the next step as the pigster rested…hose showers are exhausting!
In order to decorate D.O.G. properly, as I see it, he must first get a facial, followed by a pedicure, a coconut oil rub, and plenty of sun screen powder puffs. In other words…a deluxe spa treatment.
But instead of traditional spa treatments that start with herbal tea or coconut water infused with essential things we never knew were essential…D.O.G. prefers a beer. Yup. And it sure makes a pedicure easier for the pedicurist. Please don’t report us to any even-toed-ungulate-cruelty-associations. I’m telling you…this is one happy-easy-going-cooperative pig with a beer in his belly. And he is far less likely to get nicked by the clippers.
Plus it’s his favorite part of the tradition….
Can you tell?
Such admiration and appreciation for a good beer…
About this time I was laughing so hard it was all I could do to point and shoot without peeing my pants…
BEER BUBBLES!!!!(only a mama could love)
OK…it’s high time to get on with the spa treatments…
After all…no more beer…We started with a cleansing facial…D.O.G. has deep folds on his face and quite a bit of eye discharge which is normal for a pig…
There’s an eye in there somewhere although I have never really seen it…Next…the pedicure…see Lily running away when the clippers come out…I have so many clippers for dogs, cats, fences, weeds….but only one for a pig…I’ll spare you the clip by clips of the job…it’s tedious and lasts about as long as the beer nap…then on to more pleasurable spa activities…a coconut oil rub and puffs of sunscreen to follow…And now for the real fun…the decorating part…Oops…I’m not very good at nail polish…especially with twitching toes…
Isn’t that the cutest little tail? (I kept telling him. Sometimes being a blind-buzzed pig works for the best)WAKE UP D.O.G.!! It’s Decoration Day!!!Let’s honor our veterans……and our firefighters…D.O.G. said…”Enough of this! I want to honor summertime! Too many brothers and sisters on the grill!!”Well…OK then…howzabout some strawberries…
I swear he was humming ‘Strawberry Fields Forever’…
That is…until the watermelon showed up…UH BOY!!!
…and that my friends is how we do Decoration Day on the funny farm…
2016 tradition coming right up!!! Wake up D.O.G.!!!
It’s Decoration Day!!!!
I have been living on this funny farm for eight years now. It’s strange how as one grows older, time seems to compress. Eight years!
The past six years I have been a divorcée. (TrAshe County pronunciation; dāy-´VHŌR-sāy) Those first two years while my x and I were separated, we tried to remain friends, and it was during that time I borrowed his trusty old Husqvarna weed eater. Never to give it back.
That was perhaps the best deal of the entire divorce. From both our points of view. I didn’t want his Rolls Royce, his house or his lifestyle. Just gimme the Husqi.
That weed wacker (my preferred term although they are officially known as weed trimmers or string trimmers), has lasted longer than my marriage and almost every other useful thing from my former life. It has also outlived two lawn mowers on the farm, a wheelbarrow, and four short-term boyfriends. I may have to kill it, if it tries to outlive Recluse Man or me.
I could tell you the Husqi has had a good long life because I have maintained it so well, when actually I have done very little, save for replacing a few parts.
I do, however, believe in proper maintenance….hosing after use, storing inside, checking oil, winterizing, sharpening blades…that kind of thing.
This applies to all methods of reducing grass and weed growth. Including my very own free-range-mobile-mowers.
Please meet #1 (Gypsy on left) and #2 (Star on right) mowers….
#3 mower (D.O.G.) is in the distance, and is much loved but obviously does not have the horsepower the others do…
#2 mower has a halter on because he went AWOL several weeks ago, while he was solo mowing. Apparently there was a mower in heat down the road.Watch as #1 mower teaches #2 mower where to refuel…
Normally I break up the carrots but this was one-handed shooting for effects…#2 mower looks a little dorky with burrs in his forelock…ya think?
Oh Boy…high octane carrots!
Self-serve was available…but they seemed to prefer full-serve at the porch fuel station…#2 mower inquired about having his teeth scratched…he’s weird that way…
Talk about full service!
Little did #1 and #2 mowers realize as they chomped their fuel…
#3 mower was fast approaching…well maybe not fast by your standards…As far as I know…#2 mower had never had an up-close and personal encounter with #3 mower…
#2 mower looked to #1 mower for direction…#2 mower decided not to follow course……when suddenly #3 mower changed direction…
I caught up with #3 mower…who btw…was still sporting the remains of a pink pedicure…
I offered a full-service-on-the-hill refuel…
#3 mower was much obliged…
…until #2 mower came into the picture…That #3 mower sure can cut a turn…Poor #3! Can’t a mower refuel in peace?
Is this fuel wars or turf wars?
#3 mower can really skedaddle when he needs to!
Perhaps #2 mower had never seen #3 mower at full speed…he was amazed!Quickly, any fuel or turf wars were settled.
The mowers were feeling well maintained and revving to go…
Off to do their duties they went singing… ‘You Go Your Way…I’ll Go Mine’…
When Pockets heard it was Kentucky Derby Day this past Saturday, she went ponkers. Only a ponkey can go ponkers.
You should have heard her.
“OH MY GWAD! I MUST GO! NOWNOWNOW! IT’S KENTUCKY DUHBY DAY!!!! I WANNA WEAH A HAT! I WANNA DWINK A MINT JOOWUP! I WANNA BE A WACEHOSS!!”
It was a gorgeous, breezy, spring Saturday on the funny farm. We were all laughing hard, trying to imagine ‘Pockets the racehorse’. Elizabeth was here at her home-away-from-home to work and play with her Pips. My neighbor Suzanne, had also come over for a weekend visit. She loves to walk the Pips and is now officially ‘Mama S’. She sure earned it on Saturday.
When Pockets expressed her great Derby destination desires, we tried to explain how long a trailer ride it would be to Louisville, Kentucky.
I said, “Remember that four hour round trip trailer ride to the vet the other day? Well sextuple that.”
Pockets said, “I HATE IT WHEN YOU TALK DUHTY!”
Oh never mind.
We agreed we’d have our own Kentucky Derby Day right here on the farm. That pawky ponkey knows how to cast a spell! I love this new word I learned…
(pô′kē) adj. pawk·i·er, pawk·i·est Chiefly British. Sly and cunning, often in a humorous manner (see the pawky ponkey make her mamas swoon)
I photographed the Kentucky Derby three years in a row, back in the 90’s. I was with a group of photographers shooting for the Kentucky Derby Museum at Churchill Downs. Usually I was assigned a spot on the track near the starting gate, which meant I’d shoot the very start of the race and then the last turn before the final stretch to the finish line. It was a thrilling event to photograph, although you sure didn’t want to blow it.
The most fun of course, was spending the entire day at Churchill Downs with access to almost anywhere.
…but Pockets much preferred the striking ‘one ear out’ look…
“I WANNA MINT JOOWUP!”Elizabeth tried to get her mind on other things. “Howzabout a carrot?”“NO CARROT! I WANNA MINT JOOWEP!!”Things got on the verge of ugly when Mama E ‘borrowed’ her hat and shades…After that, Pockets went off on her own in search of a mint julep…
I swear we did not give that ponkey a mint julep…although it may appear as such…
“WEAD MY EAW…ONE MINT JOOWUP PWEESE!!!!”Well at least pull up your socks and put your bonnet on straight!
“MINT JOOWUP NOW!”
Straighten up you PAWKY PONKEY! Let’s go to the races!
‘IS DIS DA STAHTING GATE?” (BIG snort)“OK OK…I’M WEADY TO BE A WACEHOSS!”
Elizabeth had been training Pockets to follow the carrot stick…
Sometimes the races get off to a slow start…
…and the trainer gets more of a workout…
Go Elizabeth! Git along Lil Ponkey!!!!
Pockets was curious. She was just warming up. “WAT WONG WIF YOU?”Suzanne to the rescue…that girl is an athlete!!!
Hither and yon they ran…at least as ‘yon’ as you can get in a round pen…
Pockets had long since tossed the hat…then the socks…then the shades. Meanwhile Mama S put on her Derby hat. It’s a Run for the Carrots!
RACE OVER!!! POCKETS CAUGHT THE CARROT STICK! WOOT!It had been a marvelous Derby Day. Everyone was exhausted. Or so we thought.
“PWEESE CAN I HAVE A MINT JOOWUP?”
OH MY GWAD!
Speaking for Pockets-the-Ponkey, I am sure she would have begun this post with that very same expletive. It’s her favorite line, and what inevitably follows, is some sort of drama.
It was a BIG day for Pockets last week…her first VISIT TO a VET!
A two hour journey down the mountain!
Pockets has been dealing with a leg condition called stifle-lock and Elizabeth was beside herself with worry. If anything, it had gotten worse over the winter.
Stifle lock, or ‘Upward Fixation of the Patella’ (UFP), is fairly common in horses and ponies. The stifle is the upper part of a back leg on a horse and consists of 3 bones: the tibia, femur, and patella. The tibia is like a person’s shin bone, the femur is similar to our thigh bone, and the patella serves as a knee cap connecting them. Stifle lock causes the back legs to pop, or sometimes lock and drag.
Grayson had stifle lock but outgrew it, as is often the case in a young pony or horse. Stifle lock doesn’t hurt a pony but it sure hurts looking at a leg that pops or drags. Elizabeth was coming out nearly everyday to work with Pockets. Exercise is great. And the whole Freeka herd has 24/7 access to the pasture or barn. Which is good. Very good to be mobile.
Sheesh. Somehow I ended up watching The Who in Hyde Park, instead of the news this morning. Much better way to start the day! Their 50th anniversary concert. And this is stuck in my head…
Keep me movin’
Keep me groovin’
Just a hippie gypsy
Come on move now
Keep me movin’, yeah
Keep me movin’, groovin’, groovin’, yeah
Mobile, mobile, mobile, mobile
Let’s dedicate that to Pockets. WHEW! I have finally cooled down after watching Roger Daltrey strutting his stuff. That man has no stifle lock whatsoever!
Back to Pockets going mobile.
Mama E and her ponkey discussed the day ahead. Elizabeth told Pockets Dr Meeker is an expert…and I hinted he is a cutie to boot. She would be in good hands.
Here is the P-Pip trying to say Dwoctahh Meekaaahh….
We practiced trailer loading so many times, Pockets was a pro. So long was there was a little grain. (Check out Peak Mountain in this frame. That Mountain. Inspires Me. Every Day.)
I lifted that darn trailer gate so many times with Star-boy and P-pip…I made the excuse I needed to document. My aching back!!! Such heroes…Recluse Man and Karen…
I worship the ground they walk on…and the trailer doors they close!
Elizabeth was happy…Pockets…not so much…(read ear language)…
And check out the look! HEWP!!!! I AM BEING KWIDNAPPED!!!!
When we got to Davie County Large Animal Hospital, in Mocksville, NC, we had a little wait. No problem with that. The grounds and facilities make for a very comfortable visit…But Holy Patooties!!! Pockets saw the EQUINE AMBULANCE and declared she would not travel home unless it was in that very same ambulance…
Such a Rebel! Such a Drama Queen!
Listen here you ponkey…you are NOT Mariah Carey or Beyonce, or any kind of Diva…demanding special transport!!! (Snort…)I had to remind her…she didn’t exactly qualify as a ‘LARGE ANIMAL’…(Snorts Galore)…
Thank the Ponkey-Gwad…for Heidi…answering calls and greeting clients. Elizabeth had already declared her a great friend after spending loving-lingering-bragging moments on the phone making the appointment…Then…the big moment came when Dwoctahh Meekaaahh examined Pockets.
‘This is the Texas-Ponkey-Two-Step-Syndrome. The way she dances in place!?! Turn up some George Jones!’
(totally fooling…forgive me Dr Meeker…totally-totally fooling)
Time for a serious walk to check out Pocket’s moves. After all…she has never stepped two feet in Texas…
Mama E showed the good doctor a video. Of course Dr Meeker recognized the problem immediately. But wadda-mama-she-is…showing off her ponkey-kid…
It had been eight weeks since Pocket’s last date with our farrier. I had suggested waiting until after our vet-visit to learn the best way to trim her. Too bad the farrier at the clinic was totally booked that day.
I figured Dr Meeker could draw some sharpie lines on her hooves…But wait a minute…in a stroke of luck…Robert the farrier pulled up. Hay-lelujah!!!! Good to meet you dude! Just in time!!
But first Pockets needed sedation. She has no love for farriers and tends to rear up all high and mighty in defiance. At least as high as she can get. (maybe 4 more inches?)
Here comes the Blood…
The Sweat…(and dirt from rolling in thunderstorms)…
…and the Gears…churning in that ponkey head…
The cute-paleo farrier took over after that. He reminded me of a caveman…no business cards to share…no email…no FaceBook. He just said…”If you need me, they know how to find me here.” We were smitten. At least three out of four of us girls. Pockets not-so-much.
She was suspicious to say the least…the dude had scary tools and dangling ropes…and weird britches…
But in no time, Pockets was having sweet lil ponkey dreams…
Never mind the torture tools at her feet…
In her dreams…Pockets asked Karen….”HOW HIGH DOES A CARROT FLY?”
“Way higher than your chinny chin chin,” Karen replied. Karen is so good at bedtime stories. Pockets was in a trance…imagining flying carrots…
Later on…Mama E and I agreed we might have a crush on our new vet and farrier…but an even BIGGER CRUSH on KAREN!!! For years shce has offered her Tucker Farm as a sanctuary for donkeys and goats in need of rescue. Now she can add ‘ponkey’ to her resume. Without hesitation, she offered to transport Pockets to the vet. Talk about great friends.
Karen…the ponkey-donkey-goat angel!!!Every angel needs a break. Plus angel-duty meant squatting in front of the fan…ahhh…felt so good. It was hot and sticky down down in the piedmont. My turn!!!“It’s your second sedation you rascally ponkey…let me tell you a story about the ponkey who fell down and never got up…you listening?” (I admit…I am not so good at bedtime stories).Elizabeth was enormously proud of her beloved Pockets…
Of course she documented the trim job for our local farrier to see. A half hour of action-packed drama. Soon to be released on Netflix. (not)
This is the final trim. How ’bout that!! Four on the floor…
However, the photo I couldn’t stop studying, shows the difference between her trimmed back hoof (on left), and eight weeks of growth (on right) The new trim gives her better balance and easier movement. Her stifle lock is not gone…but mo’ betta.
One last look after the trim, and a little trot-about. Here is Pockets singing…’The Low Spark Of High-Heeled Girls’. Actually it was more like…”OH MY GWAD…WE DONE???? I WANNA GO HOME NOW-NOW-NOW!!!!”Well excuse me m’ dear…but we are not quite done. First, Elizabeth had to express her gratitude to the good doctor.Lots of gratitude…Back home, Pockets set a personal best for her quickest ‘unload’ time…
Her elders were excited to have their little mascot home…
Grayson not so much. He was still recovering from an AWOL adventure during a thunderstorm the night before…
Pockets doesn’t know this yet, but in five weeks she will have another day of Blood, Sweat, and Gears. Poor wonkey-ponkey!
Thanks to all for following this little Tale of Pockets!
I wouldn’t dare call Pockets a mule to her face. But technically speaking, it is what she is.
Breed a male (jack) donkey, to a female (mare) horse, and you’ll get a mule.
But the way we see it around here…ya breed a donkey to a pony…ya got a ponkey.
Ponkeys are total cuteness. Ponkeys are endless entertainment. A good ponkey is short and stout, with big ears and will chase away homie-dogs and hyenas. A good ponkey always comes right over after chasing a hyena…in immediate need of a cuddle-rub-hug and a smile.
After all…fearlessness deserves reward.
A good ponkey has a smile that will make you laugh.
Yet..a couple of days ago I found myself laughing my ass off…over a naughty ponkey’s grimaces.
OH MY GWAD…here comes another episode of Trailer Loading Flunkies.
(move over Star)
That same-sinister-black Darth Vader horse trailer that created my personal ‘Star-Wars’ last year, is back. Sitting in my pasture. Waiting for a trip down the mountain to carry Pockets-the-Ponkey to a vet.
Too bad after the trailer arrived, we told Pockets she needed to be ‘vetted’ at the end of April. Big mistake.
Instantly she retorted; I WILL NOT BE VETTED…NOT EVER-NEVER…NOT TO GWAYSON OR ANYBODY…NO VETTINGS FOR ME…GWAYSON NEVER EVEN PWOPOSED!!!!
(What a Drama Queen…I told her she was too young to be wedded…and that’s not what I meant in the first place!)
Ever since, Elizabeth has been diligently teaching Pockets how to load in the monster-trailer. They were making big strides, those two.
Then a couple of days ago when Elizabeth couldn’t make it out, I promised her I would load Pockets. My friend Janice was coming over to collaborate on a round pen session with Star. Janice and I both have three year old geldings and we had agreed to do ‘co-op’ training sessions, sharing time with our boys. It was her turn here. Our goal that day was to put a girth around Star for the very first time.
I was so tickled to see my crazy boy wearing a fancy belt around his scrawny waist…
Loading Pockets afterward, sounded like a piece of carrot cake. I told Janice I would snap some photos for Elizabeth while she loaded Pockets. Easy-breezy. Nothing to it. The P-Pip had loaded already.
I must mention…Janice is light as a sparrow. Very horse savvy. And full of mischief.
She led Pockets to the trailer ramp and sat down inside.
What the hay?
Star watched from the sidelines with huge trepidation…
No doubt…Pockets was wondering about the new girl at the end of her ponkey leash…
Let the circus begin!
It was about here…
…that I was laughing so hard…I nearly peed my pants…
Meanwhile…Janice was flying by the seat of her pants!
Down the trailer ramp and through the pasture they go!
Star was…shall we say…Startled? Notice Grayson in the distance…chomping away…
Finally Pockets gave into curiosity and stopped pulling…
Pockets-the-Ponkey decided to investigate ‘The Girl Who Wouldn’t Let Go’…
The two of them talked it over…Janice said…YOU ARE STUBBORN AS A MULE!
Pockets said…I AM A PONKEY…NOT A MULE…I AM A FONKEY-WONKEY-PONKEY…YOU HONKEY!
…slowly they made up…
ROLL THE CAMERA!!…B Roll!Thank Gwad…Elizabeth showed up the next day…
I was worried we had made a wreck of her training progress…
Carrot bribes sure help…
But in the end it was Grayson…
…who saved the day…
All lickety-split that stubborn mule…I mean PONKEY…loaded!
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