Now for another piece of that watermelon. See ya tomorrow.
Never have I experienced such destruction and absolute disregard for my cherished flower gardens as I have this summer. And we’re only a few days into summer. Sigh.
First it was D.O.G. the pig chomping my flower beds near the house. He was dainty at first, just nibbling blossoms and leaving me the dirt and naked stems still in box shapes from their original containers, yanked from the ground, and scattered about for easy replanting.
I almost gave him credit for being thoughtful. That lasted all of two days.
After blessing and replanting over a dozen box shapes, I barricaded the beds with big logs. That ungrateful, thoughtless pig plowed through the barricades and tore up entire beds, flinging dirt and returning to the porch with a snout black and rich with fermented horse poo, garden soil and mushroom compost. His favorite blend, apparently.
Next came the deer. We busted them at dawn the other morning, grazing down the flowers I had so joyfully planted near the pond.
“Your heads will be hanging above the mantle,” I shouted, as they jumped the fence and loped ever so gracefully away. I believe there were still zinnias dangling from their chops.
So what’s a farm chick to do but savor her lily pads. They may be my last hope for some beauty among the beasts. Never to be picked, chomped, mauled or grazed.
I could not believe my eyes.
There on the only apple tree on this entire farm that I personally planted, were apple blossoms. Hello tree? It’s October 1st…may I ask what in the world of apples you are doing?
If this is a funny farm joke…ya got me good.
Such craziness I can’t let go of. So I googled apple tree blossoms in the fall…and… and…bought a book with the same title from Abe’s! I love ending up on a totally different path than I started on. Especially if it means finding a good book to read. It’s only annoying if I can’t remember the original path…then I wonder about middle-age dementia and then often I forget what the last several paths were, while I’m worrying so much.
Then I take a nap.
Now what was I saying?
Oh yeah. After I bought The Apple Tree Blossoms in the Fall (by Armineh Helen Ohanian), I returned to my original path and learned one apple tree branch will put out six blossoms; five in an outer circle and one in the center called the KING BLOOM. The king blooms are first to open and once they are pollinated, the apples that grow from them are usually larger than the rest.
GO KING BLOOM!
For Photo of the day…may I present apple tree blossoms in the fall…a specialty it seems…on the funny farm….
The king withered before the other blossoms fully bloomed. Dang king. Perhaps his pistil was shooting blanks.
Aside from this one branch, the rest of the tree is right on cue.
(I am so glad you didn’t ask for the name)
Holy Flamin’ Stamens!
I have a thing for big, fat, weird tomatoes…the kind you can only find at a good farmers’ market. They jump out at me, calling my name….”freeeeeekaaaaaa…take me home with youuuuuu…shooooooot meeee…eeeat meeee….paleeeeeeezzzzzzzze.”
Sometimes they’re just so ugly…I mean really, really ugly…I gotta save ’em. Sometimes they’re just so gigundus-humungous…I know if I don’t take ’em home, I won’t believe myself the next day. Other times, they’re just so kinky, I am beside myself. Anatomical protrusions…like…tomato weenies…bellybuttons…nipples…butts and such…right there for the squeezing. Do other people blush at farmers’ markets? Are you out there?
Back in my own farmers’ market vendor days, my friends were famous for giving me porno maters. They’d track me down and be so proud to gift me with their kinky ole mater. Of course I never let them go to waste. Unh Unh. Whether I photographed them or not, they ended up under the knife. That’s right Lorena Bobbitt…move over.
Today’s PHOTO OF THE DAY is not kinky. (How did I get on that anyway?) It is simply the biggest, most voluptuous and curvaceous, yellow tomato I’ve ever seen…giving herself a hug. I found her last Saturday at the market and brought her home gently, in two hands. I set her on a bed of fresh garden basil, and gave her a marigold to hug. Then I made her portrait. In my humble opinion, she was one of the most well-rounded, happiest maters I’ve ever met….
Here’s what she looked like alone in a hug……but I gave her lots to hug…She was a tomato to remember for all time, from top to bottom……start to finish…WhataMater…Should you be wondering about her weight…she was a solid two-pounder. I also met the winner of ‘the biggest tomato’ contest…check him out at 2.965 pounds… I told his owner to stuff him. Tomatoes wearing boxer gloves scare me.